CONTAGION SPREADING !!!

N PUBLIC HEALTH NOTICE

Toryitis is a virulent mental illness, which has many strange symptoms.  Sufferers of Toryitis can often have illusions of grandeur, where they believe they are of a species above their fellow human beings.  Sufferers can also have large bouts of bigotry, which can be followed by smaller periods of racism.  Toryitis makes the sufferer paranoid about those who are of a different ethnic origin, sexuality, gender (only in male sufferers) or belief system to themselves. Toryitis also causes sufferers to feel a strange attraction to their first cousins; by marrying their cousins they often pass on the faulty Tory gene to the next generation. 

The origin of this virulent mental infliction can often be found in its earliest stages in the playing fields of Eton and Harrow, but takes hold of its sufferers in the colder climates of Oxford and Cambridge.  Toryitis, in its most severe form, can cause lightening of the hair follicles and a floppiness of the hair root; as can be seen from the photographic examples of two quarantined sufferers below; these sufferers reside at London’s Bedlam Hospital 5 days a week for              treatment; spending the rest of their time in the mayoral offices or House of Commons.     

We must act fast to counteract this growing epidemic.  The only known cure is the taxation of mansion houses, the favourite dwellings of sufferers of the condition, and higher taxation on the wealth of sufferers; this will assist in destroying their illusions of grandeur, which will then assist them in facing the realities of ordinary human beings.  

       

Olde John Bull