DO YOU SUFFER FROM IBS OR IDS?

Olde John Bull has recently been diagnosed with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), the symptoms of which began about the same time IDS (Irritating Duncan Smith) became Minister for Work and Pensions.  I have not been one of the many thousands affected by IDS policies, and am therefore not getting irregular bowel movements as a symptom of malnutrition; caused by the governments policy on poverty. Until recently I even had one of those 

fantastic zero hour contracts, that entitled me to almost three days of work a week; with a kingly minimum wage per hour to boot.  Even though I have not been affected personally by the policies of IDS, I have been affected by the symptoms of IBS; causing me to notice the five similarities between both IDS and IBS:

Similarity One
Sufferers of IBS are unable to eat foods due to allergic reaction.
Sufferers of IDS policy are unable to eat foods due to cost.

Similarity Two
Sufferers of IBS can feel like they live in the lavatory. 
Sufferers of IDS policy can only afford to live in a room the size of a lavatory.

Similarity Three           
IBS causes the sufferer to have regular bouts of diarrhea. 
IDS has regular bouts of diarrhea (but from a different orifice).

Similarity Four
IBS can cause pain in the anus.
IDS is a pain in the anus.

Similarity Five   
When suffering from IBS the sufferer will wish for the symptoms to disappear. 
A majority of the public wishes IDS would disappear.

N PUBLIC HEALTH NOTICE

IDS is a disease of the poor, like cholera and typhoid before it, IDS leaves in its wake ill health and death to all that its policies contaminate.

Olde John Bull